I have deleted my "Main Journal" as I decide not to recycle old Journals anymore it can be confusing.

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Of late I have come to realise more about myself. I sent an apology to an old friend (whom will be anonymous) after I almost did something dreadful. I sent my apology.

I just wanted to say...
Yes. I lack apathy. But that doesn't mean I don't care to help.

I believe I have not fully come to terms with my grandmothers death which is ages back. I never usually brought it up because I thought I was over it, that and didn't want to give the impression that I am emo whoring for attention. I hate giving the impression I am weak, but right now I don't think I am.

I hardly have any nice memories of either of my grandparents, just some decent ones of my grandmother and ever since she passed away instead of dealing with my own self-consicous on whether I was a bad grandson or not, I decided to bury them. People were "sorry" of my grandmothers passing but the reason I lack apathy is because I didn't want it to begin with.

I realised now that I myself probably am what everyone else would call a "monster". I am different, I act different, I think different especially around choices of reason and morals which some may find shocking. At first I considered it my Aspergers but I am starting to think it just stems from that, as in maybe I am either genius, idiot or insane, My guess all 3.
What I truely wanted from it all would be to tell my grandmother that I am sorry that I haven't been much of a grandson. The idea that apologies can be heared even by the dead, I just don't believe that, I would rather tell her directly myself than just lie to myself she may have forgiven me.

I almost did something as terrible as spark negative self-pitance to my friend and I am truely sorry for that. I had no intention to do that, but it was more wrong of me to pressume that s/he was like that to begin with and was dangerous for me to it "my way".

So yeah, I try to be a good person but a demon who is good is still a demon, I have accepted that Nana is dead and I may never tell her how sorry I am. I try to relate to other people but I am just different. I try to be apathetic but I am not, it just doesn't make much sense to me. I truely wish my friend to know that if I have cofused, insulted or hurted him/her that I am sorry, just wanted to let him/her know that s/he is loved in the most clear and effective way possible.

Yeah, I am an Atheist, I don't believe in religion and do not believe I have a soul which I am totally fine with (Well, I have a theory on what the soul is, but different to religious accounts). I believe in a "Spirit Realm" but if death is truely nothing more but shutting down then that is what death is. As far as I "believe", it is not the latter as I still hold hope to apologize to my Nana in person.

On my to-do list:

Gonna skip current competition, but gonna get ahead-start on Yam-Ween competition if it's gonna do it.

~BULLETS~
-The colour bullets show the progress of pictures I am doing on the list. Series of pictures are shown with multiple bullets for each picture.

Planning (No idea or picture not started)
In production (Drawing and Colouring)
Finished (Picture uploaded)

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Alliances:

Looking for a Sonic fan club on devART
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